Emo-tionless

I feel so horrible. Today felt like a sunday. But without the Physics tuition part.
Before going for the supposed "July Day", WQ and i scouted the boards listing all the top scorers and all. There were so many names there, but none of them mine.

Ok i feel a bit weird now, like this feeling that i'm going to suddenly faint or sth but i dont actually know how fainting feels like so its probably just tiredness or sth stupid. Anyways, back to the topic, i realised for the first time in my life- yeah i can be that dense, that all of my seniors were on that list. 7A1s and above. Then i come along. It has not been decided yet so i shall not speculate. Now i just feel this sense of emptiness and dread- for the future. How can i disappoint those before me? I'm just rambling. It wont make sense because its not supposed to. The pressure in my heart is weighing me down. I wanted to talk to her so many times but i never got the courage to. Something like because she was my senior and i wasnt so gutsy in the first place anyways. Oh gosh, the giddy feeling again. Think its cos i stood up or sth. Nvrm. Its all gone now, no use fretting over it. How would anyone understand? The expectations that come with your past. Its wearing me down. But i have to find the strength to fight this feeling. I'll just do my best to ignore it for the time being.